He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
