We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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