I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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