question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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