Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
