so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
