That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
