Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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