oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
