Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
