i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
