My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sorry my hands just texted you
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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