so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
