ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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