I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
