best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
