How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
