She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
