ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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