i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
