nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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