she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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