What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
