Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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