oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
