So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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