Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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