Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
