All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
