I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
