i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
