We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
