I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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