sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
