I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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