Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
