I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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