just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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