if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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