Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
