i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
