Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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