I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
