Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
