When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
