Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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