She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
