if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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