No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
