Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
