I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just googled if crying burns calories
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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