But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
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