I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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